It’s been 6 months since I've graduated and left the sheltering walls of UQ. That surrealness to be able to don the regalia and mortarboard to receive my postgrad certificate, witnessed by my family; all those sleepless and stressful nights paid off, not forgetting my hard-earned savings too. Being able to check off one of my biggest goals on my bucket list - to pursue an overseas education - was a great deal for me. This time, with much bigger aspirations and goals, I was all set to make a difference and create social changes in the lives of my fellow Singaporeans. But somehow, these became harder to achieve them.
I read a news article recently interviewing some fresh local university graduates on their struggles in finding a job upon graduation. This article kind of hit me in the face as my first thought was, 'Even local graduates from prestigious universities are having trouble finding jobs, what are my chances?' Just like some of them, my job hunt is affected by Covid-19. Although Bryan reminded me that my 12 years of work experience would have an added advantage as compared to those freshies, I could not help but have some negative thoughts.
Safety Net?
I took a sabbatical from my work to pursue a postgrad overseas as I wanted a safety net to fall back on. However, the organisation did a major reorganisation and kept its headcount rather lean leaving me stranded without a suitable position to return to after graduation in January. With that, my no-pay-leave got extended 3 months at a time. With no definite timeline given, it was purely a waiting game. Not hanging on to just this, I sent out many job applications to find either rejections or no responses. Some of my friends consoled me by saying, many organisations are now working from home which could explain the slow responses. I tried riding on that comment to stay positive but as the days, weeks, even months past without a fair bit of good news, I found myself slowly sinking into the emotional abyss. I became frustrated, impatient, and upset with myself. I fell deeper into the abyss especially on the day before my birthday. I felt bitter and kept blaming myself for not being able to find a full-time job fast. I even regretted my decision to put my job on hiatus to pursue my dream. Talk about irrational thoughts when one’s really down and low.
I have not met many friends since I returned from Brisbane, especially those from my previous organisation as I had a fear of them asking, "So are you back with a job yet?" "Where are you posted to now?" "Oh not yet ah? It’s okay, you can take a longer break!", which they already had via texts. As much as I know they are trying to soften the awkward moment but I could still feel my pride taking a hit each time they did that.
Peace and Acceptance
A couple of months past and I got restless with no form of financial stability. It could be the irrational side of my brain doing all the thinking that I jumped onto the first temporary job that I got accepted into, Social Distancing Ambassador at a local supermarket. (This would be another story for another time.) I was upset when I started the month-long gig as my mind was flooded with negative thoughts again, I mean how low could my pride go? After a month, I went on to another temp gig, this time with the Ministry of Health dealing with quarantine operations. Initially, I was disappointed with myself moving from one temp gig to another but as I slowly make peace with myself, I accepted the fact that the global economy and job markets would be slow this year and I'm doing my part for Singapore as an essential worker during this pandemic. Covid spared no one whether you are from an Ivy League or not - something I wish my dad could see from my perspectives.
Nonetheless, I'm blessed to have close friends who are constantly checking in on me, listening to me as I ranted on as an emotional wreck or moping around like Ross from Friends. They never failed to believe in me and celebrated small triumphs with me. I can't emphasise how much these meant to me especially during such trying times. With that, I started to pay it forward by encouraging friends who are facing similar situations and I hope they would feel better too.
Time always seems to have an interesting way of putting people into perspectives.
No comments:
Post a Comment